I am going to spend a month in Italy this november. This year I turn 30, and I see no reason to celebrate this monument by sitting at home sobbing because no one bothered to call, write or send cards ( thats how I spent 29, and it was heartbreakingly horrible). I have no desire to be that sad again, and if the solution is to flee the country and these horrible friends of mine, then so be it.
I have wanted to go to Italy for some time now, for various reasons; the food, the men, the weather, the food. The language ( which I have yet to learn) is beautiful. I find myself watching the Italian network on teevee, attempting to make out what they are saying, judging by the subject matter show. I have to ask my boss for a whole month off, 2 weeks more time than what I am allotted. I figure if I give him enough warning ( 11 months) that it shouldnt be too much of a problem, right?
I do have a few obstacles. I need to save money, first of all. You think 10-ish months to save should be enough time, but I still need to pay the remainder of my car to my parents, pay off my credit card bill and unfortunately pay for a rather expensive dentist bill, which will be around $1500 by the time the cleaning, extracting and filling is all done. yeeep! So far, other than getting time off work, all my problems are monetary. Yes, I do need to find someone to water my plants, but I think that will be pretty easy.
Thinking and planning and imagining about this trip has already lifted my spirits hugely. This goal has given me something to look forward to. I havent had anything to look forward to in a year at least, I think.
I do plan to invite people to come to Italy with me, privately. I dont want to do a general "come who may" invite, as I dont really want people that will "cramp my style" as they say. In all honesty, I doubt anyone will meet up with me. If they can't bother to phone on my birthday, I dont expect them to travel to another continent for it either. After discovering you aren't important to anyone, its a surprise that I'm inviting anyone at all.
Perhaps in the months planning this extended vacay/celebration I can make some better decisions about where I want to live, because Edmonton seems to be sucking my soul out. Or precisely the people that live here. I realized how exhausted I feel from chasing around after people attempting to keep up awkward friendships and getting little joi out of it. I am done this chasing, this tagging along, this nagging for attention. If i'm not invited, I'm not going to invite myself. Relationships of any kind go both ways and I am mighty tired of doing all the heavy lifting.
I know that I have given up like this before, twice since I have came home ( a little more than a year!) and I will do it again.
So to Italy I go to celebrate( ha) the living of 30 years. If I had known this is what life would be like, I'm sure I would have done everything possible to change it, but as I never actually thought ahead to what my life would be like by this time, I am the one to blame. Hoping that I would be married and thinking about kids by now is almost a joke to think about. Maybe by 40? I had better cross my fingers now.
