The one good thing in my life right now is my under the table, illegal job sewing for janna. I mean, its not that illegal, but i get paid in cash and i do it while im at another job. Its sad when i spell it out like that because really, its whats keeping me here in edmonton.
My roomates are really big slobs, as well as being my landlords too, so i cant really tell em to get their shit together. You wouldnt think that something like plain ol mess would make you angry, but it starts to grate on your nerves, day after day. Sure they clean, but only when THIER parents or friends are coming over. No, No dont worry about me.
That actually seems like the theme of my life lately. I know everyone else is busy with significant others and bands, but goddammit im still here, single and bored and lonely. Im awesome people. I shouldnt have to tell friends to be better friends. Its not friendly-like.
I guess my conclusion is that im horrible at any sort of relationship, wether it be at work, home or with friends and family, i just cant seem to connect and keep people around, sadly. I cant keep boys from running away and i cant get friends to hang out. Im outta the loop and im feeling pretty low about it. Am i that forgettable? This summer has been horrible so far. 2nd worst after mattycat. Thats a whole nother can of worms that doesnt need to come up for air. Probably just proves i was horrible at relationships all along. How did this happen? Was it from growing up on an acreage? Maybe from moving from sparwood at a young age? Being painfully shy? Where does this all begin? Not to point fingers, but to figure out why im such a fuck up and maybe do something about it.
i think thats it for now debbie downers, over n out.
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