Beggars cant be choosers

For some reason I only think about great things to write about in this blog when its 2 am and im desperately trying to fall asleep. Despair always sets in, in the dark of night. The dark of night has always been my enemy, the Opressor of hope and dignity. I fear to tuck myself desertedly into my bed at night, as comfortable as my bed is. Dark thoughts follow and wild imaginations flourish.

Its not always grim and detremental to my mental health, but of late it is. You see, people of the internet, I am jobless. I spent the last year of my life being happier than I ever have and now I'm pretty sure I'm being punished for it. I was traveling around Australia for the last year, but my working visa was up in January and I decided to come home early to suprise my parents for christmas. Not only was I leaving the most beautiful place I have ever been, and the glories of traveling and the beauty of finding happiness in everything, but i was also leaving behind an italian boyfriend that I picked up along the way.
So not only having to come down from the highs of travel but also to the loss and lonelyness of singledom. I think I could have dealt somewhat ok with one or the other, but both, simultaneously were a bit much.

So now im home, to this godforsakenly cold lonely country, only to discover that my friends are how I left them, immersed in thier own relationships, with girls or with the bands their in and no-one really has time for me. Maybe I should just put it down as not being a priority. Cause its not that theyre NOT good friends, they've just got bigger fish to fry than me.
I've moved in with some friends, a couple that just bought their own house, and I live in the basement. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but theyre pretty messy people and definately of the mindset "out of sight, out of mind". And me, in the basement is out of sight. So are all the repairs in the basement. Dont get me wrong, theyre also great people, but perhaps we are not meant to be, as roomates.

I think half of my problems would be solved if I could just manage to get a job. I have been applying left and right for any job that I thought i could do, and that would pay half decent. I have been applying for jobs for a month and a half now and I have only gotten ONE interview, which I bombed. Sad. Today I swallowed my pride and called my old employer to see if I could get my old job back as a repair seamstress at a dry cleaners. Not really what I was looking to do, but im desperately broke and I dont feel like I have a lot of options left to me. It would have been so much easier if my previous boss would have picked up the phone when I called, but she didnt. So I left a message. Im not even sure that I am able to get my job back. yeeeeesh! Talk about stress!

And on top of that tomorrow I am finally getting my breast lump looked at. Word on the street is that its going to be an ultrasound and then an aspiration, which is them sticking a needle into it and draining it so they can filter the fluid for cancerous materials. No wonder I am such a bundle of joy lately. No wonder all I can do is complain about things. I cant controll hardly anything in my life so I've been nazi controlling everything that I have the slightest bit of control over. Sweet jesus, I need a job people!

I think thats all for now. Hopefully by tomorrow I will have a job, Not have breast cancer and while im wishing for miracles, I might as well hope for meeting the man of my dreams.

audios amigos!