the calm before the storm

These blogs are sporatic and unorganized and really not a very good window into my life. Perhaps that is not such a bad thing.

I think part of my problem with being in edmonton is that I feel squashed, hampered in, with no place to call my own. That may seem strange, coming from a girl that lived with 15 other girls in one room for 7 months, but strangely enough, i feel more crowded here, where i have my own room and basement and bathroom. I am a child of space and quiet. I grew up alone, with myself. Even when i was traveling i would need to go for walks by myself, or just find a place to sit and think and wonder.
Here, I am rarely alone. Joe and Annan work, but it seems like they work at opposite times, or that someone is always home. Its making me grumpy, which is unreasonable and silly. In oz, i would go for walks along the mighty yarra river, go to the markets or just wander alone. In oz, that was entirely possible, because it wasnt in sub zero weather. I hate this winter i live in, and i hate being crowded.

I think thats the beauty of traveling. The freedom. How you didnt need to inform people where and how you were going places, or what you did that day. Im not sure why i bristle so, when someone asks me questions. I have always been such a private person. I think this makes me hard to live with and probably hard to love.
I would love to live alone, to be accountable to no one, but at the same time I wonder if so much time alone would bring the sorrows. That balance is a hard line to follow.

I have gotten a job finally with my previous employer. Already I feel as if I am being cheated out of money. He hasnt told the girl that im replacing that she wont work there anymore. I get one day of training, and will work on salary. I am suspicious and despite the fact that I was looking forward to getting back to work, I am not looking forward to this. The two good things that i forsee about this job are the fact that I will be working alone, not doing much work, as well as the fact that I will be working close to my friend brandy's house, which I never get to go to because she lives so far away. Which indicates that this job is not very close to my house at all.